Almost two years have passed, and I am not who I was in early 2010. I am much more certain of who I am as a person and what my goals are. I am also sure of what I want and need out of relationship, be it a friendship or otherwise. I have drawn my boundaries. I have set my values and principles. I am more aware of my shortcomings and how I can overcome them. I am more confident with who I am and no longer the girl who was so uncomfortable in her own skin. Nowadays I am more of the “fuck it if anyone is looking at me because I am weird.” than how I was in the past where I am always thinking about how everyone must be thinking ill of me because I am so different.
I am increasingly proud of the person I have become. And I am very vocal about the things I am for or against. That might make me intolerable in some people’s books, but I do know when to dial it down and try not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
It is much better to stand for something that leaves you hated than to go where the wind blows and be sneered at by people like me for your indecision and lack of principles. Yeah, you, who went back to the cult even after we were kicked out? I am talking about you.
I have learnt that blood doesn’t make you family. And that real friends show you your shortcomings and not walk away.
(Oh and not forgetting that people who claim that they are speaking on behalf of god or whichever divine being doesn’t necessarily mean that they are good people. )
I have also learnt that people treat you how you teach them to treat you. If you accept your friend’s excuse for being late for 45 minutes, they wouldn’t think anything of it if it happens again. That is why I make it a point to tell people that I will leave after 15 minutes unless they have a really good excuse involving blood or death or maybe a Snorlax blocking his way and him having to go back home to get a Pokeflute.
I have learnt that if you allow others to walk all over you, they will. I have learnt that if you allow others to cancel plans with you at the last minute, they will do it again. That is why I get really angry at people who whine about how their so-called friends walk all over them when they themselves don’t even speak up when they are upset with being treated shabbily.
If you don’t respect yourself and your own time, no one else will.

I am really quite happy to have the friends that I do have now. Since I am having writers’ block, I shall write about them.

I have G, a best friend that is now part of a happy couple (sometimes I am nauseated by the saccharine sweetness of their interactions but that is a post for another day.) I am truly happy that he found someone to be by his side when he is down. After the madness that is 2010, he deserves every happiness. We do still talk from time to time, but that's how grown-up friendships are, I guess. I mean, it's kinda pointless to talk every single day about the same shit that we do every single day. It's kinda awesome though, that whenever we do get the chance to meet (that is, rarely), we manage to catch up and talk like we haven't been not talking for four months.

J, a friend I met when I was a snot-faced primary school kid. Come to think of it, we have known each other for fifteen years now. And fifteen years is quite a long time when one is only twenty-three. We talk about Apple products, iOS apps (J has the best app deals. He believes that any app will become free as long as one is patient.) J is also one of the people who inspires me during my spots of feeling down. We meet up every couple of months for game sessions, right now it's Portal 2/Pokemon. (And also we are currently competing in Tiny Tower, a building/management game, fun stuff.) He is one of the few constants over the past two years. Which is kinda cool. I guess he is the only childhood friend I have. We have this secret language deriving from the quotes of an ongoing TV show about physicists and a certain blonde neighbor.

And of course, E, the big brother I always wish I had. Who helped me make the step of getting out on my own. Words don't do justice to the amount and extent of brotherly guidance and encouragement he's given me.

I guess I will never have the ability to be close friends with girls. I don't want to generalize, but most of the girls I met in my life are sickeningly manipulative. Have tried to be friends with girls a couple of times over the past few years but the experience and lessons learnt is something I don't intend to repeat any time soon. And all the girl talk about hair and the latest korean drama just makes me slightly nauseated (yes, I love using that word after watching Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory. And I also love the phrase “preemptive course of antibiotics”.)