Tired of her capacity for cynicism, tired of seeing only faults in herself and others, she wished to be overwhelmed by her feelings for a fellow human being. She wanted a situation where there would be no choice, no time to sigh and ask, ‘But are he and I really that suited anyway?’, where analysis and interpretation would be superfluous, where the other would simply be an unquestionable and wholly natural presence.

 

from The Romantic Movement - Alain de Botton

Can't deny but say that this is exactly how I feel about love right now. I have been cynical for a long time now, after the breakup two years ago. It’s hard to trust or feel like you did the first time. And I don’t think you ever will. The first time you fall in love is like a young child learn to walk and run and skip. You are fearless because there is no reason to fear. You have never hurt yourself before. You don’t know how painful a fall can be.

But I guess like the reckless abandon of a young child, loving without limits and losing the sight of reality isn’t the way to meet the partner for the rest of your life.

Sometimes we fall in love thinking that it is forever and that this is it. But it doesn’t always work out that way. I guess I fell into that trap during that six months. Everything moved really fast, there wasn’t even a period of uncertain dating. Perhaps too much of a sure thing makes people complacent and start taking things for granted.
Heartbreak teaches us to see truth for what is. It teaches us what incompatibility is. It also reminds us to enjoy the relationships that we have for what it is and not what we hope it would be. I learnt much from that relationship. What I needed, wanted. What I could and couldn’t  put up with. And what my shortcomings and strengths will. Rather than seeing it as a failure on my part, I see it as a lesson.

Having said all of that, I am looking forward to falling in love again. This time with eyes open. To feel the overwhelming butterflies that flutter in one’s stomach. Because love is amazing. Falling in love is the the best drug, it keeps you soaring high above the clouds and forget about the plummet that might come. To feel so completely loved and accepted, and wanted.
I guess you have two choices, you can either nurse your broken heart forever and build a fortress around it with a moat and a drawbridge, shutting the gates forever, thus avoiding hurt. Or you can allow those you deem to be worthy to win it, at the risk of being hurt again.
I choose the latter, and I hope that you would too, eventually.