I am almost 24 now. And I'm still excited about many things. I still
get nervous. I still fangirl over actors and guys in bands. I still am
discovering things I like. It is quite amazing.

I don't think I would ever want to change. I don't ever want to be
like some of my acquaintances, so cynical and bitter and jaded about
life and what it has to offer.

We must always remember that life is an adventure. Beyond the rent,
the bills and our jobs, we must remember to live. I want to stay
excited about life and what it has to offer. I want to learn new
things, meet new people. It doesn't matter whether I like them or
not, it doesn't matter at all.

I just feel sort of sad when I have people my age behaving like they
have seen the world and all its wonders. I don't think we can ever
fully appreciate and understand what we have here. This incredibly
precious journey from birth till death. I mean, sure, we get
sidetracked sometimes by the adversity and tragedy that is all part of
this adventure.

What matters, I feel, is an ability to be like a child in the face of
life. To be able to be happy. It sounds terribly simple, does it not?
But it seems to be difficult for so many young people.

So, please, be excited with life. Be excited about a new job, be
excited about meeting new people. Be excited about dressing up as a
Jedi for Halloween. Do fun and stupid things.

Live life.

 

Day 01 — Your favourite episode
Day 02 — Your favourite main character
Day 03 — Your favourite minor character
Day 04 — Your favourite quote
Day 05 — Your favourite ship
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A Sherlock photo that makes you go
Day 08 — A Sherlock photo scene that makes you go
Day 09 — A Sherlock photo that makes you LOL
Day 10 — A photo of your favourite character
Day 11 — A photo of your least favourite character
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — Something you’d like to see in the next series
Day 14 — Favourite Sherlock Tumblr
Day 15 — Favourite Sherlock fic
Day 16 — A moment that made you squeal
Day 17 — A moment that made you cry
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — Character that is most like you
Day 20 — Favourite canon reference/in joke
Day 21 — Favourite gif
Day 22 — A website that’s Sherlock related 5 favourite screencaps (Sherlock and John)
Day 23 — Your favourite Sherlock YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Favourite Sherlock actor
Day 26 — Favourite Sherlock actress (or another actor )
Day 27 — Character you’d most like to be
Day 28 — Character you’d least like to be
Day 29 — Your Favourite thing about Sherlock
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

I shall be attempting to do this challenge.

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born
Then it's time to go
And define your destination
There's so many different places to call home
Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written
It's plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemption
Would you agree?
If so please show me.

You Are A Tourist - Death Cab For Cutie

I must admit I was charmed by your advances... your advantage left me helplessly into you.

Quite honestly, I don't think I feel anything close to what I need. Being into someone is not enough.

It might be enough for some people but it isn't enough for me, unfortunately.

I will hold a candle up to you to singe your skin. brace yourself... i'm bent with bitterness.

And as always, I get bored. People are so predictable. They settle into these flat routines that get so unimaginative and it is a huge turn-off.  And I push them away, because that is what I do.

I took the 405 and drilled a stake down into your center,
And stated that it's never ever been better than this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floorboard, wrinkled up from pulling pushing tasting.

I don’t know why I do this. I don’t know why I have to think of Reichenbach and feel my heart ache just a little. I know that the characters are fictional. I know that Benedict Cumberbatch is an actor and he is in the new Star Trek movie. I know that this is a TV show. Everything is plotted and written for maximum impact by the writers. I know all that.

And yet every time I rewind that clip of Sherlock falling to his death and John beside his fallen body just makes me feel like wrapping myself in a blanket and cry silent sobs. I know that this is weird and abnormal and that I should come back to the real world.

But to be honest if that is the point of life then I am not sure that I have lived.

Ever since I discovered the joys of fanfiction, they allowed me to imagine and continue the story even after the writers of the show decides to end it.

I remember that Spike/Buffy was my first ship. And then was Hermione/Draco. And that lasted for a long time. For almost 6 years, I think. Then there was a brief period of Chuck/Blair, which I think is the only couple I ship that had any chance in canon. And then there was 10th Doctor/Rose. And then there was 11th Doctor/Amy Pond.
Recently I stepped into an area I never tried. A slash pairing of Sherlock/John. It is most likely due to the unique nature of their relationship.

Okay, okay, here I go again.

Must stop thinking about John falling apart after Sherlock’s “death”.

STEVEN MOFFAT, MAKE A NEW SEASON SOOOOOON.

And Sherlock, wherever you are, please be well.

(wtf is wrong with me, really. WTF WTF WTF.)

She no longer felt like seeing anyone, or rather, the absence of the one made others seem superfluous. She knew many who categorized themselves as her friends, her address book was swollen because she asked people about themselves, took an interest in their lives, remembered their stories and therefore skilfully fulfilled their need for recognition. If the urge to resume contact eluded her, it was perhaps because these friends represented company for without for that matter alleviating her own sense of being alone. Loneliness did not cease when she was at a table surrounded by animated faces, it could end only when the level of concern of another human being reached a point beyond the customary pedastrian appraisal.

Alain de Botton - The Romantic Movement.

I got my copy of The Bell Jar while I was still with the ex. He didn't
approve I my choice of depressing literature. Nor did he understand
why The Perks of Being A Wallflower was my favourite book. I think
once, two months into the relationship, he told me that the book was
depressing and didn't understand why Charlie was "so emo all the
time". His words, not mine. I think that was the beginning of the end
of our ill-fated relationship.
I am one of the most emotional people I know, my passions swing in
extremes. I am either hopeful of life and love, and might swing to the
other end where I am cynical and bitter about things. I guess it takes
a certain kind of man to understand me and my quirks.
I enjoy being hopeless, helplessly in love. Be it with an idea or an
idea of what a man is like.

But I digress.

The first time I picked up The Bell Jar was the day after the final
break-up. And reading about a suicidal young girl written by a writer
who commuted suicide made me feel heroically tragic.

I remember that I was still working at the relocation company in an
industrial park off Tampines. And I remember bringing my book to the
coffee shops and drinking a kopi-O, smoking some Ice Blasts as I read.
I know, I know, smoking is bad, and I have stopped for almost two
years now.

I remember that it was on my desk when I decided to quit my job there
and got the one at ION Orchard. So my last week there, I read and I
smoked. I guess it is reasonable behaviour for a first break-up.

I identified myself with Esther Greenwood and although I never thought
to end my life, I wanted to self-destruct. And smoking was one of the
ways I did so.

Of course, when I moved on to the more challenging job at Orchard, I
stopped smoking. I met some new people then, and the ex slowly faded
from my memories.

Two years have now passed, and I am here. I am happy. And I am not
going anywhere.

And I wouldn't date anyone who doesn't understand my erratic nature.

So there.

• Staying up till 4am and still waking up on time the next day for work.
• Pulling an all-nighter, whatever the purpose may be.
• Pining after some emotionally unavailable boy.
• Having online flame wars over who said what. (unless it is about Apple products, Doctor Who or any other film/TV/book franchise that I am into.)
• Talking behind a friend’s back to get people to like me. (oh wait, I have never done that since I was 17.)
• Wearing my hair in pigtails.
• Eating a lollipop larger than my palm.
• Getting sloshed.
• Spending money like it wasn’t earned.
• Reading stupid books like Twilight.
• Listening to Top 20 hits. (music nowadays is shit. Nicki Minaj, and Justin Bieber? Give me a break. The only exception is perhaps Adele.)
• Staying over at a chalet. Bitch, please, give me a staycation in a hotel anytime.
• Going to McDonald’s to hang out.

I say wallpaper(s) because I have 4 desktops on my MacBook.

Here we go.

My current obsessions, Mister Benedict Cumberbatch, who is Sherlock in BBC's Sherlock and Peter Guillam in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

Almost two years have passed, and I am not who I was in early 2010. I am much more certain of who I am as a person and what my goals are. I am also sure of what I want and need out of relationship, be it a friendship or otherwise. I have drawn my boundaries. I have set my values and principles. I am more aware of my shortcomings and how I can overcome them. I am more confident with who I am and no longer the girl who was so uncomfortable in her own skin. Nowadays I am more of the “fuck it if anyone is looking at me because I am weird.” than how I was in the past where I am always thinking about how everyone must be thinking ill of me because I am so different.
I am increasingly proud of the person I have become. And I am very vocal about the things I am for or against. That might make me intolerable in some people’s books, but I do know when to dial it down and try not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
It is much better to stand for something that leaves you hated than to go where the wind blows and be sneered at by people like me for your indecision and lack of principles. Yeah, you, who went back to the cult even after we were kicked out? I am talking about you.
I have learnt that blood doesn’t make you family. And that real friends show you your shortcomings and not walk away.
(Oh and not forgetting that people who claim that they are speaking on behalf of god or whichever divine being doesn’t necessarily mean that they are good people. )
I have also learnt that people treat you how you teach them to treat you. If you accept your friend’s excuse for being late for 45 minutes, they wouldn’t think anything of it if it happens again. That is why I make it a point to tell people that I will leave after 15 minutes unless they have a really good excuse involving blood or death or maybe a Snorlax blocking his way and him having to go back home to get a Pokeflute.
I have learnt that if you allow others to walk all over you, they will. I have learnt that if you allow others to cancel plans with you at the last minute, they will do it again. That is why I get really angry at people who whine about how their so-called friends walk all over them when they themselves don’t even speak up when they are upset with being treated shabbily.
If you don’t respect yourself and your own time, no one else will.